“The People They Like Aren’t Real”: People Are Sharing What’s Really Causing Their Friend To Stay Single That They Can’t Say To Their Face

“The People They Like Aren’t Real”: People Are Sharing What’s Really Causing Their Friend To Stay Single That They Can’t Say To Their Face


“The people they like aren’t real; they are idealized, cartoonish caricatures. In my opinion, my friend himself has a lot to offer, but he is looking for a person that doesn’t exist. It’s hard to find something that’s not there.”


“I have a friend who started dating his roommate after being really into her for a while. After a week or two, he told her something like, ‘Dating you doesn’t feel as good as I thought it would.’ He torpedoed a potential relationship because of his ideal fantasy. Honestly, I don’t know if he realized he’d created an unrealistic standard in his head.

He’s been single for the last decade, and his mental health has only gotten worse in the time I’ve known him despite therapy. I think he’s probably so detached from ‘appropriate dating behavior’ at this point that he could be single for the rest of his life.”



“He was an attractive, charming, and talented man in his 40s who only dated online. He got a good number of matches; they just never stuck around. He’d often complain on Facebook about how women on eHarmony only talked to him for a day or two before suddenly saying they didn’t want to talk anymore or going radio silent. It was to the point that about two-thirds of his Facebook posts were complaints, mostly about dating; the rest were music-related. I’m willing to bet money that many of these women Googled him — like you’re supposed to when online dating — found all of his bitching, and ran away.”

“God knows I would if I came across that. He’d post articles about the positives of online dating and then complain about how they were wrong, the specific women he dated, his job, his coworkers, etc. Basically, he used Facebook like Reddit, except Facebook isn’t anonymous.”



“It’s the selfish arrogance; ‘I want what I want,’ with the subtext that he never cared about what his girlfriend wanted. He wanted to spend all his money on sci-fi ‘collectibles,’ but engagement rings, investing, and buying a house were a waste of money. After almost 10 years together, she walked. He was 32 and thought he could find someone else. Now, he’s 49 and hasn’t had a girlfriend since. Of course, he says no one wants him because he’s fat and bald. While those don’t help, they’re not the major turnoff.”

“He was young and good-looking when he and his ex-girlfriend got together, but he put on weight and lost his hair during their relationship. While together, he only went to places he wanted to and never included her friends or family. No compromises were possible, either. He said no, and no discussions were entertained. His opinion on every topic was correct, and he was not interested in your opinion or listening to relevant, informative facts that he didn’t know.

Since she left him, he still hasn’t bought a house — and houses cost double what they did when they were dating. However, his rent has tripled, and he’s bought a copy of all his favorite movies in every format (VHS, DVD, and Blu-ray). He even has a whole bedroom dedicated to storing them — if you can get in there, his house is a hoarder’s paradise.”



“She’s really overdue for growing up and learning to self-reflect. She needs to allow herself to change. She’s pretty, funny, and a great time to go out with — there’s never a dull moment with her — but she’s also not changed since we were teens. She’s a mess. She doesn’t clean or cook, can’t hold down a job, lives paycheck to paycheck, and prioritizes a good time over everything else. Overall, she’s extremely unstable. There’s also no accountability for how her actions impact her own life, let alone the lives of others. Somehow, she has high expectations of her potential partners, though she doesn’t bring much to the table or hold herself to the same standards.”

“Sometimes, you need to slow down and get a grip on your mental health and life before actively seeking out relationships. I’ve watched her wreck so many people who have good intentions, and she doesn’t even recognize how she hurt them.”


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