Ghosting, gaslighting, negging; the present has brought us some not-so-great dating trends.

Now we have a new one to add to our lexicon. Quiet dumping, a cross between quiet quitting and ghosting, is on the rise.

What is it?

Quiet dumping is derived from the job trend quiet quitting, which is currently flooding the social media world, especially TikTok. Quiet quitting describes a behavioral pattern in the working world where people only put the minimum amount of energy into their job and are actively looking for something new.

This trend has now been transferred to the dating world. A person who is quiet dumping their partner gradually distances themselves without seeking an open conversation, hoping that the other person will become aware of the problem on their own and, in the best case, end the relationship on their own.

The journal Psychology Today even suggests that this slow “phasing out,” or quiet quitting of a relationship, is a form of gaslighting (which is deliberately manipulating and unsettling a person’s perception of reality). In short, people who are gaslit are persuaded that they are merely imagining problems.

Transferred to a partnership, this is even worse. Because not only does the “dumper” avoid responsibility, they also convince their partner that his or her feelings (jealousy, restlessness, worry) that something is wrong are unfounded or even imaginary.

Quiet dumping can thus be even more painful than ghosting, in which a person simply disappears without notice and never contacts their romantic partner or love interest again. While this also hurts, it at least ends a relationship. With quiet dumping, the end is artificially drawn out.

Why do people do it?

Often, people who quiet-dump a partner aren’t being malicious. They are just avoiding having the difficult breakup conversation or putting themselves in a situation that is emotionally stressful. However, this comes at the expense of the other person.

Why are so many people avoiding unpleasant situations lately, whether in their working lives or in partnerships, by quiet dumping or quiet quitting? It could be because of current events. With a pandemic, climate change, a war in the middle of Europe, and the ensuing economic and political uncertainty, many people simply do not have the capacity for even more stress. They feel exhausted and have no energy to face more unpleasant situations.